CLAN HRÓÐVITNIRBUR'S STANDARDS OF COMMUNITY BEHAVIOR

When engaging in community gatherings—whether formal meetings, rituals, havens, or preparing formal communications both online and offline—it is not only necessary but expected that you follow a rigid code of conduct. This is not optional, nor is it negotiable. These guidelines serve as the foundation for maintaining structure, respect, and decorum within our community, and though they may vary between dominions or houses, they are universally accepted within our subculture. Abiding by these standards demonstrates a level of sophistication, dignity, and respect for the traditions that have been established over time. The expectations set forth are not merely to create a pleasant environment—they are essential for building lasting relationships, maintaining unity, and ensuring that our collective reputation is one of strength and honor. How we are perceived by outsiders—and indeed by each other—is paramount. Our actions must consistently convey that we adhere to these standards, not out of obligation, but out of respect for our own integrity. Our actions speak louder than words, and if your actions are anything less than exemplary, you will be judged accordingly.

Standards of Behavior
No matter your status or rank within the clan or community, you are expected to set the standard for others. Be an example, not by words alone but by action. Engage in meaningful exchanges with others—share your ideas, offer support, and be an active participant in the betterment of the community. To do otherwise is to dishonor not only yourself but those around you. Hospitality is a cornerstone of our culture, and it is not reserved for your clanmates alone. Extend your appreciation and respect to all members of the community, regardless of their affiliation. This respect must be genuine and cannot be feigned. It is a reflection of who you are and who you strive to be. Never forget this simple truth: your words and your actions will be used to judge your character, and the measure of that character is non-negotiable.

Honor and personal pride are not abstract concepts; they are the foundation of everything we stand for. Never, under any circumstances, insult the honor or dignity of a fellow community member, their family, or their organization. To do so is not only disgraceful, it is a direct assault on the integrity of our culture. Your behavior must reflect an unwavering commitment to these values, and those who fail to do so will be held accountable. Our community is one of mutual respect, and any violation of that respect will be met with swift and uncompromising consequences.

Self-Respect and Boundaries
Do not allow yourself to be mistreated or disrespected. Equally, do not engage in behavior that exploits or takes advantage of others. Self-respect is non-negotiable. If you cannot demand respect from others, you will never receive it in return. But it is not enough to simply avoid abuse; you must actively ensure that your actions align with the expectations set forth. Never compromise your integrity, and never allow others to degrade your worth. The line between respecting others and allowing yourself to be disrespected is a thin one, and it is up to you to maintain it. Your worth is defined by your actions, and if you allow yourself to be used, manipulated, or taken advantage of, you are a reflection of weakness, not strength.

Social Conduct
The expectation for behavior in public spaces within the community is clear: reserve, dignity, and control. We are not a community of brash, loud individuals. Loud, demonstrative behavior—especially in formal settings—is not acceptable. A certain level of deference should always be shown to elders and women. Their position and status in our society demand it, and failing to show that respect reflects poorly on you and on us as a whole. This is not a request; it is a requirement. Doors must be held open for elders and women; right of passage must be deferred to them without hesitation or argument.

Public spaces are not for “play fighting” or role-playing. This is not the place for juvenile behavior. It is not the time or the place for indulging in childish antics. The expectations are simple: keep personal, informal behavior confined to the private realm. Chewing gum, using combs, toothpicks, or any other personal items should be discreetly managed. These are not matters of opinion—they are direct reflections of how you choose to present yourself and, by extension, how you present our community.

Escort Protocols for Priests and Councilors
Priests and Councilors, by virtue of their position, require and deserve protection, and thus it is strongly advised that they attend all events accompanied by at least one Warrior. Tradition dictates that the Warrior should walk on the left side of the Priest or Councilor. The Priest or Councilor may have right of passage when encountering elders or women, but the Warrior must maintain control over the situation. They are to open doors, lead through narrow hallways or staircases, and ensure safety at all times. The Warrior is the first line of defense, and their presence is a symbol of strength and protection.

A Priest or Councilor who arrives at a gathering with an entourage of Warriors will be viewed with suspicion. This is not merely a protocol; it is a matter of the community’s perception. A show of unnecessary force is a direct affront to the values we stand for and may be interpreted as a hostile act. Warriors, as the protectors of our community, must also extend their services to the host or presiding elder of any gathering. It is their responsibility to ensure the safety and dignity of the event, and this duty should never be overlooked.

Accountability
There is no escaping the consequences of your actions. Every choice you make, every word you speak, and every decision you take carries repercussions. There is no one else to blame for your behavior. You are accountable for yourself, and any failure to meet the standards outlined here will be met with swift and severe consequences. There is no excuse, no room for error. You are expected to uphold these standards at all times, no matter the situation, and any lapse in judgment will be judged accordingly. Take full ownership of your actions, for you are the only one responsible for the impact they have on those around you.

Communication Skills
Effective communication is not just a skill—it is a requirement for survival within this community. Your ability to communicate clearly, decisively, and appropriately is a direct reflection of your personal integrity, social standing, and respect for others. It is not enough to simply speak; you must speak in a manner that others can understand, and, more importantly, in a manner that aligns with the expectations of the community. Your verbal and written communication, whether delivered in person or online, will serve as the foundation upon which others will form their judgments of you. A failure to communicate effectively will mark you as incompetent, and it will reflect poorly on your character.

Poor social interaction—whether in verbal exchange or written correspondence, cyber or face-to-face—will always undermine your standing. To be ineffective, unclear, or unnecessarily harsh in your communication will mark you as a failure to meet the standards of this community. There is no excuse for miscommunication, nor is there tolerance for those who choose to remain ignorant of the rules of engagement. The expectation is simple: communicate at the highest level of clarity and respect, or risk being dismissed as irrelevant and unworthy of association.

Introductions
Introductions are not mere formalities—they are a demonstration of your respect for those around you, your understanding of social structures, and your ability to navigate the complex hierarchies of our community. At large official functions, it is expected that guests will be announced upon arrival unless specifically requested otherwise. The formal announcement should include the guest’s title, nightside name, and place of residence. Anything less is a failure to show proper respect, and those who neglect this expectation will quickly find themselves regarded as beneath the standard.

For interpersonal introductions, however, it is important to establish not only your identity but your place within the larger social fabric. You will include your title, your name, your household or clan, your mentor, and your place of residence. These details serve as a way to ground you within the community, providing points of reference for further conversation, and, more importantly, they establish your social standing and credibility. You will be expected to discuss your background and interests, and you must be prepared to assert your individuality without hesitation. However, let me be clear: do not be coerced into revealing personal dayside information. That is not for the public eye, and it is not something that should be shared lightly. Form and respect should govern your approach, and the encouragement of formality remains paramount.

When making introductions, there is a strict code to follow. There are three primary considerations that must be maintained without exception:

Order of Precedence – Always recognize the rank, age, and standing of the individuals involved. Women take precedence over men. Elders take precedence over the younger generations. If two individuals of the same social standing are present, you defer to the one with seniority. Failure to do so will result in disrespect that will not be tolerated.
Stand – If you are to introduce someone, always stand in their presence as a sign of respect. This is not a minor gesture—it is the basic acknowledgment of the individual's status.
Announcement – When introducing two individuals, always begin with the most distinguished person. State their preferred nightside name and title first, making sure to look directly at them. Afterward, proceed to the next individual, following the same format. This is not negotiable.

In situations where you are not formally introduced, it is your responsibility to introduce yourself. However, take care not to interrupt private moments or intrude upon personal conversations. Wait for an opening, and do not force your way into a dialogue. Approaching others from behind is also considered an affront—always approach openly and face the other individuals directly. To do otherwise will signal aggression or disrespect, and it will be interpreted as such. When providing your title or family affiliation, avoid abbreviations or acronyms—clear, full communication is expected at all times.

The Nature of Secrecy
There is a time and place for everything, and some matters are simply too delicate to be shared. Never, under any circumstances, reveal your nature to those who are not prepared to understand or accept it. Doing so is a violation of trust and exposes you to unnecessary risk. The same rule applies to others—do not speak of another’s nature, practices, or confidences unless you have been granted explicit permission to do so. Breaching the confidence of others, whether intentionally or by careless mistake, is a grave misstep that will be met with swift consequences. Discretion is paramount, and failure to exercise it will result in the erosion of your credibility and standing within the community. Remember: some things are better left unsaid. The ability to remain silent when necessary is as valuable as the ability to communicate clearly when the time comes.

Forms of Address
In this community, the manner in which you address others is not just a social convention—it is a clear signal of your understanding of the hierarchy and your respect for the achievements of others. Formal titles are not mere formalities; they are earned, and they must be respected. When engaging with someone within the community, always use their proper formal title. This demonstrates both recognition of their standing and a direct acknowledgment of the work and commitment that has brought them to that point. There is no room for casual disrespect in this area—failure to observe these conventions is a direct violation of the expected decorum and will not be tolerated.

That said, there is a significant distinction between the environments of our community and the day-side world. It is absolutely inappropriate to use these formal titles outside of community gatherings. Using titles like "Sir," "Madame," "Lord," "Lady," or any other official designation in day-side society—whether at work, with family, or in other everyday contexts—can result in embarrassing misunderstandings. Worse, such behavior can be perceived as a direct breach of the Black Veil, the sacred boundary between the community and the mundane world. To expose the community's inner workings in this way is not only careless, it is a betrayal of our traditions. We operate with dignity, but we also know when to maintain discretion.

Let it be perfectly clear: this is not about fostering elitism. The community does not exist to elevate a few at the expense of the many. We are not here to encourage arrogance or self-importance. We are here to acknowledge and respect achievement. The title you carry represents the path you have walked and the responsibilities you have shouldered. But, as much as the title is important, it is ultimately the individual behind it that matters. Those who prefer to abstain from formal titles should not be looked down upon or seen as lesser; their choice to forgo titles must be respected. The essence of a person is found not in the title they bear but in their actions, their character, and their contributions.

Traditional Forms of Address
Within our community, there are various traditional forms of address that reflect both status and role. It is crucial to know and respect these titles, using them appropriately:

“Brother” or “Sister”: Typically used between members of the same order or household. This is not a casual term—it carries weight and should be used with the understanding of the bonds of shared commitment and respect it implies.
“Sir” or “Madame”: These titles are generally used for those of Calmae rank or higher. These are formal but not excessively lofty titles, and they signify recognition of achievement and authority.
“Lord” or “Lady”: These titles are used for individuals of high standing within the community. To address someone as "Lord" or "Lady" is to acknowledge their place in the social order and the responsibilities they bear.
“Magister” or “Magistra”: Reserved for our community Elders, these titles are granted to those who have proven themselves as guides, mentors, and stewards of the traditions. The respect that accompanies these titles should be unwavering.
“Father” or “Mother”: These titles are specifically used for Fangsmiths—those who have not only dedicated themselves to their craft but also to the nurturing of those around them. "Father" and "Mother" represent not only age and experience but also care and leadership.
“Reverend”: This is used for Kharrus, Priests, and Priestesses—those who maintain the spiritual and philosophical backbone of the community. They are leaders in matters of faith and ethics, and their role demands reverence.
“Matriarch” or “Patriarch”: These titles are reserved for the elders who founded and maintain a Household or Family. They are the foundational pillars of our community structure, and their guidance is a key part of what keeps our bonds strong and our traditions intact.

Regardless of your rank, position, or formal title, one thing remains clear: the terms **“Sir”** and **“Madame”** are universally acceptable in conversation. These terms maintain a level of respect that transcends hierarchy and should be used freely, as they maintain formality without unnecessary grandeur.

Respect for titles and the proper forms of address is not negotiable—it is non-negotiable. This is a matter of tradition, dignity, and the acknowledgment of merit. The use of these titles is a direct reflection of your understanding of your place in the community and your respect for the individuals who have earned their status. Abandon these principles, and you risk not only isolating yourself but also bringing dishonor upon the community as a whole. Your title is earned through action and respect, and it is your responsibility to both uphold it and show respect for those who bear their own titles with dignity.

In-person Greetings
The manner in which you greet others in person speaks volumes about your character, your respect for the community, and your understanding of its social codes. There is no room for ignorance or laziness when it comes to greeting others—this is a fundamental aspect of how we communicate respect and solidarity. Your greeting sets the tone for the interaction that follows, and it must reflect the dignity expected of those within our community. To fail in this area is to fail in establishing yourself as a member worthy of respect.

The most common and accepted greeting is a warm embrace or a hearty hug. This open, inviting gesture is a sign of welcome, camaraderie, and mutual respect. It signifies an immediate connection, a willingness to engage and communicate without barriers. While this is the standard, it is by no means the only acceptable form of greeting. Some individuals prefer the solidity and formality of a handshake, which is equally respected, though it conveys a more professional, less intimate tone. Regardless of your personal preference, the key here is to offer something of substance—a greeting that demonstrates your willingness to engage and your respect for the other person.

However, there are specific nuances that must be followed, particularly in relation to gender dynamics. In our community, there is a level of deference that is traditionally maintained toward women, and this must always be respected. It is customary for a gentleman to greet a lady by gently kissing the back of her hand, a sign of respect and recognition of her status. This action speaks louder than words—it is an acknowledgment of her dignity, her place in the community, and the respect she is owed. The handshake is appropriate in many contexts, but the kiss on the back of the hand remains the preferred gesture when interacting with women of our community, reflecting the subtle yet vital balance between respect and formality.

In some pagan and spiritual traditions, greetings such as “Merry Meet” or “Blessed Be” are commonly used to convey a sense of shared purpose and connection. While these expressions are often used in more informal settings, within our community, we recognize that each word carries weight. If you choose to use such greetings, understand that their meaning goes beyond the simple exchange of pleasantries—they are acknowledgments of shared spiritual and philosophical bonds, and their usage should not be taken lightly.

Household and Order-Specific Greetings
In addition to the more general greetings, there are those that are unique to specific households, orders, and groups within the community. These greetings are not simply formalities—they are symbols of belonging, recognition, and allegiance. They serve as the first markers of identity within a family or group, distinguishing members from outsiders and reinforcing the internal bonds that hold the group together. These forms of greeting can range from simple gestures, such as a formalized bow or a specific type of hug, to complex and elaborate exchanges involving dialogue and ritual. The complexity of the greeting often mirrors the level of tradition and secrecy within the group.

Households and orders are strongly encouraged to develop their own specialized greeting, one that reflects the unique qualities and traditions of their group. These greetings are not mere formalities—they are potent symbols of the group's identity and values. The development of such a greeting is an integral part of preserving the traditions and uniqueness of the group, and it is a process that should not be taken lightly. It is expected that members of these groups will learn and adhere to these specific greetings, as they are crucial markers of trust, belonging, and mutual respect.

These group-specific greetings are often shrouded in varying levels of secrecy, and their usage is not always immediately accessible to newcomers. Depending on the group’s policies, these greetings may be introduced to you upon your arrival at a gathering or after a formal initiation ceremony into an order. In some cases, the greeting may only be revealed to you once you have attained a certain level of respect or standing within the group. This is not a matter of elitism—it is a way of maintaining the integrity and exclusivity of the group’s traditions. To be entrusted with the greeting is to be granted a deeper understanding of the community’s inner workings, and it is an honor that should be regarded with the utmost seriousness.

It is important to understand that these specialized greetings are not to be used indiscriminately or improperly. Misuse of a group-specific greeting, especially in a manner that betrays its secrecy or significance, is a violation of the trust that has been placed in you. Those who are not yet privy to these rituals must respect the boundaries set by the group and wait until they are properly inducted into the fold. Only when you have earned the trust and respect of the group will you be allowed access to these deeper traditions—and it is essential that you honor this process, for to rush it or disregard it will immediately set you apart as someone unworthy of the community’s respect.

The way you greet others is not a trivial matter; it is a direct reflection of your understanding of your place in the community and the respect you have for those around you. Whether through an embrace, a handshake, or a specialized household greeting, your actions must communicate both openness and respect. There is no room for half-hearted gestures or a failure to understand the significance of these interactions. If you are incapable of following these traditions, you will quickly find that you are regarded with suspicion and disdain. Your greeting should never be rushed, disinterested, or inappropriate—it must be an authentic, deliberate exchange that honors both your status and the standing of the other person. Anything less is a failure to meet the standards of this community.

Travelers' Protocol
When entering a new city or community, the first rule is simple: respect. Respect for the local customs, respect for the local leadership, and respect for the culture you are entering. The very act of stepping into a new environment comes with an unspoken obligation to educate yourself on that environment’s specific protocols, traditions, and social dynamics. Make no mistake: your ignorance of local customs is no excuse for missteps, and failure to integrate with the established norms will quickly mark you as an outsider, unworthy of trust or respect. This is not a suggestion; it is a requirement. If you expect to be accepted, you must show that you’ve made the effort to understand the landscape you are walking into.

Every city, every community, has its own set of rules, hierarchy, and traditions. Ours is a diverse, multifaceted network of groups, each with its unique culture and practices. To approach one community the same way you approach another is not only foolish—it is dangerous. Do not assume that one city’s customs mirror another’s. The traditions that may be well-accepted in one place can be wholly inappropriate in another. Take the time to seek out and speak with the local Household Elders or community leaders. They are the gatekeepers of local culture, and their word is law when it comes to understanding the social structure. If you do not show the proper deference and respect to them, you are making a fatal mistake. They are your first point of contact, and how you interact with them will either open doors or close them permanently.

Tribute and Gift-Giving
One of the most important aspects of integrating into a new community is your approach to gift-giving. Understand this: when you arrive in a new place, you are not entitled to anything. You are a guest, and as such, you are expected to show gratitude for the hospitality extended to you. The custom of bringing tribute or a gift to the host of a private gathering, haven, or cabal is a longstanding tradition, particularly for first-time visitors or guests from out of town. The act of presenting a gift is not just a formality; it is a gesture of goodwill, a sign that you respect the time, energy, and resources that have been invested in hosting you. The gift is an acknowledgment of the relationship you hope to build, and as such, it must be chosen with care.

The nature of the gift is important. Simple, thoughtful gifts—ones that reflect your interests, background, or efforts within the community—are the most appreciated. A bottle of quality wine is always a safe, neutral choice, but it should never be your only go-to. A gift should not be extravagant or ostentatious; to present a costly, overwhelming gift in an attempt to impress is not only unnecessary but could be seen as an attempt to manipulate or assert dominance. This is a mistake. Gifts should be tokens of genuine respect, not tools of excess or showmanship. The key here is thoughtfulness and simplicity—grand gestures can overwhelm, but sincerity always leaves the right impression.

In return, the host may choose to present a small token of friendship or recognition. This exchange is a mutual acknowledgment of the budding relationship between guest and host. The gesture may be small, but it is significant. Never overlook the importance of reciprocating kindness with the same level of respect and generosity.

Respecting Local Havens
The importance of respecting the local havens and their owners cannot be overstated. These are sacred spaces—private, communal areas where like-minded individuals gather to socialize, learn, and share. Your behavior within these spaces is a direct reflection of who you are and what you represent. If you wish to be treated with respect, you must first show respect to the owners and all patrons of these havens. Your actions, your words, your very presence must adhere to the highest standards of conduct. Discreet behavior is not optional; it is required. Conduct yourself in such a manner that you promote the reputation of both yourself and the community you represent. If you cannot control your actions or exercise appropriate discretion, you will quickly earn a reputation as someone who cannot be trusted or respected.

Public disputes, unnecessary confrontations, or anything that causes disruption or discord within the haven will reflect poorly on you and, by extension, the entire community. This is not a place for personal grievances or political soapboxes. There is a time and place for discussing issues, and it is never in a haven. To settle disputes in public or engage in unlawful practices while within these sacred spaces is to invite dishonor not just upon yourself but upon everyone you associate with. If you are not capable of conducting yourself with the appropriate discretion, it is better for all involved if you remain outside these spaces. When you engage in this kind of reckless behavior, you endanger not only your own standing but also the safety and security of the entire community. We are all connected, and a breach of conduct in one area reflects on all of us.

As a traveler, you must fully understand that your actions speak louder than any words you can offer. The traditions, rituals, and behaviors you observe—or fail to observe—will determine whether you are embraced or ostracized. If you wish to integrate into the community and earn respect, you must first prove that you are willing to put in the work to understand the local customs, offer appropriate tribute, and maintain the highest standards of behavior in every interaction. Only through respect, care, and discretion can you build lasting relationships that benefit both you and the community. Anything less is unacceptable. This is not a space for those who seek to make waves or who believe they can disregard established norms. If you cannot adhere to these protocols, you are better off remaining outside.

Hospitality Guidelines
Hosting is not a passive endeavor. It is not a simple act of opening your doors and offering a place to sit. Hosting is a commitment to ensuring that your guests feel valued, respected, and properly attended to throughout their time with you. As a host, you carry the responsibility of creating an environment where your guests can relax, enjoy themselves, and feel at ease. Your ability to fulfill this responsibility directly reflects your standing within the community and your capacity to lead by example.

The foundation of good hosting is graciousness. A host who is welcoming and attentive shows their guests that they are not a mere formality to be endured, but that their presence is genuinely appreciated. This is not about superficial pleasantries; this is about actively creating an atmosphere of comfort and consideration. The comfort of your guests should always be a priority, which means planning ahead. If you invite someone into your space, you must be prepared to meet their needs, whether that means making special arrangements for food, drink, or entertainment. Failure to plan is a failure as a host—and that failure will not go unnoticed.

Meeting the Guests
Properly welcoming your guests begins with planning the logistics of their arrival. A good host will ensure that guests are given clear directions to the location, and if necessary, will meet them at a halfway point or send a trusted envoy to escort them directly to the venue. This is a matter of respect and consideration—your guests should never feel lost or unsure about how to reach you. To insist that a guest come alone without guidance, or to suggest any form of restriction such as blindfolding them during the journey to your haven or gathering place, is not only impractical but could also be considered hostile or disrespectful. Such actions show a lack of regard for the guest’s comfort and safety, and they risk creating an atmosphere of distrust before the gathering has even begun.

When considering secrecy, hosts must evaluate the level of discretion required before issuing an invitation. If the location of your haven requires a certain level of confidentiality, you should refrain from inviting guests who may not yet be trusted with that information. It is the host’s responsibility to weigh the risks of secrecy and make intelligent decisions about where to meet or gather. In situations where the haven’s location is sensitive, consider meeting in a more open, less covert location before proceeding to the final venue.

Accommodating Guest Preferences
The guest’s comfort extends beyond simply providing a place to gather. A truly conscientious host will take the time to assess the preferences of their guest before the event. Whether this involves offering a screened donor, escort, or any other consideration for their comfort, you must be prepared to meet their needs without hesitation. The act of considering your guest’s preferences—whether they be personal, professional, or social—is a mark of a good host. Your role is not merely to serve, but to anticipate, making sure that every aspect of their experience is well-managed, thoughtful, and tailored to them.

Pre-Gathering Briefings
Sometimes, the most responsible and effective hosts will choose to meet with their guest(s) privately before the gathering. This is an opportunity to ensure the guest is up-to-date on the local customs, current state of affairs, and the specific traditions that may be observed at the event. A host who neglects this step is doing a disservice to the guest, leaving them unprepared for the dynamics of the gathering. To place a guest in an unfamiliar or disadvantaged position simply because you failed to communicate key details is inexcusable. You must ensure that your guest enters the gathering informed and confident, without the burden of unnecessary surprises.

Closing the Gathering
A good host also knows when it is time to bring the gathering to a close. It is an act of responsibility, to ensure that the energy of the event is preserved and that the guests leave at the appropriate time. Dragging a gathering on longer than necessary is disrespectful to everyone involved. This is where your leadership skills must shine: there is no shame in calling a close to an event when it is appropriate. A simple, polite cue such as “last call” or “one final nightcap” serves to inform guests that the time has come to wind down, without offending anyone. Once this signal has been given, it is your responsibility to begin the process of bringing the event to its natural conclusion. Remove liquor, dim the lights, and close any lingering conversations. To fail to do so is a sign of ineffectual hosting, and it places unnecessary strain on your guests and your space.

Overnight Accommodations and Travel Considerations
One of the most overlooked aspects of hosting is the accommodation of out-of-town guests. When inviting someone who will be traveling, it is paramount to factor in the fatigue and potential discomfort that comes with being away from home. This is not an optional consideration; this is a core part of your responsibility as a host. You must ensure that your guest has a place to rest that meets their needs, whether it’s offering your own home for the night, arranging accommodations with a trusted family member, or at the very least, recommending a nearby hotel. Anything less is a failure to account for the realities of travel and the fatigue it creates.

The same level of attention must be paid to ensuring that guests who have overindulged in alcohol are taken care of properly. A guest who is inebriated should never be left to fend for themselves. It is the host’s responsibility to ensure their safe return, either by personally escorting them, assigning a family member to do so, or offering accommodations for the night. To leave an inebriated guest without help is not just irresponsible—it is dangerous. It reflects poorly on you as a host, and it places an unnecessary burden on the community. You must never underestimate the weight of this responsibility; your guests’ safety is your responsibility until they leave your care.

A good host is one who plans, considers, and acts with purpose. Anything less is inadequate. From the moment you extend the invitation to the moment your guests leave, you are responsible for their comfort, safety, and experience. Anything less than total commitment to these duties reflects poorly on you, and by extension, on the community you represent. If you cannot meet these standards, do not open your door. If you cannot manage the complexities of hosting, do not offer your space. The expectations are clear: to host is to take full responsibility for the experience of your guests—and if you cannot bear that responsibility, do not invite them in.

Appreciation Guidelines
Being a good guest is not just about showing up. It’s about showing respect, awareness, and consideration from the moment you receive the invitation until you depart. Your behavior, attitude, and conduct will directly reflect not only on your character but also on the community you represent. Your actions as a guest carry weight. If you fail to honor the following expectations, you risk alienating yourself from those who graciously extend their hospitality.

A good guest is more than just pleasant company—they are enthusiastic, congenial, and natural in their interactions. But beneath that natural demeanor must lie a core of respect. Respect for the people, the space, and the traditions that define the event. To behave otherwise is to dishonor the host, the occasion, and the very community you claim to be a part of.

Invitations and Attending Gatherings
When invited to a private gathering, whether it’s a family affair or an intimate social event, it is considered an affront to decline without a legitimate reason. Short notice, illness, an unavoidable trip—these are acceptable reasons. Anything else—anything less—is a sign of disregard. If you cannot or do not wish to attend, the only acceptable response is to respectfully decline, not to disregard the invitation outright. Never show up uninvited or extend a request for an invitation unless there is a legitimate, pre-established relationship that warrants such an invitation. Making demands for an invite is a violation of hospitality, and showing up uninvited is not only bad manners—it’s an outright betrayal of trust.

Familiarity with Local Customs
You are responsible for your own behavior. That includes taking the time to familiarize yourself with local customs and traditions. To do anything less is not just ignorant; it’s disrespectful. When you enter another’s space, especially within a different community or region, you must respect their customs. This shows your esteem for the host, their community, and the very principles upon which the gathering is based. Respect is a mutual exchange—if you expect it from others, you must give it first. Being punctual is one fundamental form of respect. Arriving more than 15 minutes late is disrespectful and shows a lack of regard for the host’s time and effort.

Feeding and Dining Etiquette
A guest who arrives hungry and expects to eat without invitation is not only greedy but offensive. In many communities, eating on another’s territory without express permission is considered an extreme form of bad manners. A good guest eats only when invited to do so, and always in private when necessary. If you arrive without knowing whether food will be provided, bring nothing, and expect nothing unless stated otherwise.

If you are invited to a dinner gathering, it is your responsibility to inform the host in advance of any dietary restrictions or preferences. In casual private gatherings, it may be acceptable to bring your own dish. However, at more formal dinners, any dietary restriction should be discussed beforehand, and you should accept that your presence may not be welcomed under such conditions if your needs cannot be reasonably accommodated. Remember: it’s your responsibility to navigate these situations with grace and without placing undue burden on the host.

At the table, respect is paramount. Never begin eating before the elder or host does—this is simply common courtesy. Once the meal begins, common table manners must be adhered to: Do not season your food before tasting it; avoid speaking with your mouth full; do not reach over someone to take something; and never leave the table without the host’s or elder’s permission. If the meal involves messy finger foods, reserve these for more casual settings; attempting to eat them at formal dinners is unacceptable.

Drinking and Behavior at Social Gatherings
If you are offered a drink, do not begin drinking until the host offers a toast or invites you to do so. This is a gesture of respect, both for the host and for the customs at hand. Any attempt to act otherwise—whether it’s refusing the toast or drinking prematurely—will mark you as inconsiderate, and it will reflect poorly on your image.

It is imperative that you control your behavior when attending private gatherings. Becoming deliberately intoxicated is not acceptable. If you cannot handle your alcohol, do not indulge to excess. Belligerent, insulting, or argumentative behavior has no place in any gathering, and to engage in it is to disgrace yourself, your host, and the entire event. Your actions can spoil the evening for everyone else, and your reputation will bear the stain long after the event ends.

Leaving and Post-Event Etiquette
Your time as a guest is not infinite. It is just as rude to overstay your welcome as it is to leave prematurely. Do not extend your stay beyond the host’s invitation; this is a clear violation of boundaries. Furthermore, do not ask the host to extend the invitation to someone else—if you arrive with a third party, it is your responsibility to inform the host beforehand, not to assume an invitation for them. A host may choose to extend an invite on their own, but that decision should not be prompted by your request.

After attending a private household gathering, a return invitation is expected. If you are invited to a family or private gathering, you are expected to reciprocate—whether that invitation comes in the form of an equivalent gathering or in some other manner. This is an essential part of community interaction. On the other hand, invitations to public functions—those where you pay to attend—do not require a return invitation. Still, your gratitude and acknowledgment of the gesture should be communicated, even if the return invitation is not explicitly required.

When attending a party in someone’s honor, there is a clear protocol: The Guest of Honor should always be the first to leave. This is a sign of humility, respect, and recognition of the host’s role. The honoree should also send a token of appreciation to the host, whether in the form of a gift or tribute, either before or after the event. A public thank-you is necessary, and a follow-up phone call or message the next day is highly encouraged. Anything less is not only disrespectful; it is a breach of basic social etiquette.

Being a guest is a position of trust, and with that trust comes the obligation to behave with thoughtfulness, respect, and decorum. To fail in these areas is to dishonor the host and undermine the community to which you belong. Every action you take, from the moment you accept the invitation to the moment you leave, is a reflection of your character. There is no room for error in these expectations. If you cannot meet these standards, do not accept the invitation. If you cannot conduct yourself with the proper respect, do not place yourself in a situation where your failure will be visible. The expectations are clear, and your adherence to them is non-negotiable.

Dress Codes
The concept of a dress code is not a suggestion—it is an expectation. When you receive an invitation with a specific dress code, you are expected to adhere to it fully. Failure to do so is not just a breach of etiquette—it’s a glaring disrespect to both the host and the event. You will pay for it, whether through an added fee at the door, being barred from entry, or simply embarrassing yourself and tarnishing the host’s reputation. This is not negotiable. Your attire speaks volumes before you even utter a word; it reflects your personal creativity, your social standing, your relative success, and your respect for those hosting the gathering. No one is impressed by someone who can’t be bothered to show up looking the part.

When attending any community function or gathering, you should wear your affiliation with pride. Jewelry or other accessories that indicate your connection to the community or household are strongly encouraged—whether it’s a bladed ankh or the insignia of your household. These symbols are not just decorative; they announce your place and your loyalty. To disregard this is to disregard the very community that supports you.

The following is a detailed breakdown of common dress codes you may encounter. Pay attention. Adhering to these codes is not optional; it is the bare minimum required for respect.

Casual
Casual attire is the least demanding dress code, but that doesn’t mean it’s an excuse to let yourself go. T-shirts, jeans, sneakers, caps, and shorts are acceptable for this category. This is typically appropriate for outdoor events or high-activity gatherings where comfort is key. But don’t confuse “casual” with “sloppy.” Even in casual wear, you should look put together. The idea is comfort with style—not a free pass to look like you rolled out of bed.
All Black Minimum
This is where you begin to enter the realm of style with a purpose. An “All Black Minimum” dress code means exactly that: everything should be black, but don’t assume it’s just a chance to wear any old outfit. This suggests a higher level of thought put into your wardrobe, requiring that even casual attire must have some degree of thoughtfulness and edge. No baseball caps, no sloppy shorts. All black doesn’t mean unkempt. It means sleek, sharp, and purposeful.
Semiformal
A step up from casual, semiformal attire means a higher standard of presentation. Men should wear dark suits or, at a minimum, sport shirts and black slacks. Women should opt for dresses or black dress slacks. T-shirts, jeans, and sneakers are absolutely off-limits. This is about presenting yourself as someone who respects the event and the people involved. Anything less is an insult.
Goth/Industrial/Fetish
If you’re attending a gathering with a Gothic, Industrial, or Fetish theme, this is your time to express yourself. Think bold colors, sweeping lines, dramatic textures—laces, buckles, rivets, platforms, and pointed shoes. It’s all about individuality and taking the concept of fashion to the extreme. No room for subtlety here; this is your chance to be daring, dynamic, and creative. You want to stand out. This is not for the faint of heart or those who lack the imagination to bring these styles to life.
Dress to Impress
When you see “Dress to Impress,” it’s time to turn up the charm. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go full-on formal, but it’s about leaving an impression—whether you go conservative or absolutely fabulous. Elegant dresses for women and dark, tailored outfits or suits for men are expected. This is often referred to as “Cocktail Attire,” and it’s your chance to show you understand the importance of occasion while still standing out with your personal style. Don’t come half-assed; if you’re invited to impress, you better do so.
Black Tie or Formal
Black Tie is where the standards rise significantly. A tuxedo with a soft shirt and a bow tie is mandatory. Women are expected to wear long dresses, although cocktail-length is acceptable under certain circumstances. This is an event where elegance and formality reign supreme. Any deviations from this level of dress will mark you as unprepared, disrespectful, or simply unworthy of the occasion. A Black Tie event demands your best.
White Tie
White Tie is the pinnacle of formality. This is the kind of dress code that requires an exacting level of sophistication—white tie, wing collars, tailcoats, and top hats for men. For women, long formal gowns are expected, with gloves and fans often encouraged. If you’re uncertain whether you’re prepared for this level of formality, you’re likely not. This dress code is for occasions of the highest order, where every detail counts. Anything less than flawless is unacceptable. Think of it as the epitome of Victorian formalities—anything less is not just an error; it’s a glaring misstep.
Masque/Fantasy/Cyber
This dress code is your opportunity to completely indulge your creative impulses. Masques, bold colors, feathers, wings, and glow-in-the-dark accents are just the beginning. Dive deep into fantasy or cyberpunk aesthetics; think Mardi Gras meets Tolkien meets H. R. Giger. If you’ve got an idea, this is the moment to bring it to life. This is not a time for subtlety or hesitation. When you dress for Masque/Fantasy/Cyber, you are creating a statement—not just a costume. Go big or stay home.
Optional vs. Invited
If the dress code is marked as "optional" or "invited," it means you have some leeway, but don’t confuse flexibility with a free-for-all. This type of dress code still provides a guideline to the majority of guests, and deviating too far from it will be noticed. If in doubt, ask your host. If no dress code is specified, you’re expected to make a judgment call, but always err on the side of over-dressing. Never underdress. A host will never be offended by someone who shows extra effort, but they will certainly be disappointed by someone who fails to meet the minimum expectations.

The dress code is not a trivial matter. It’s a reflection of your respect for the event, the host, and the community. It’s a sign of your awareness of the standards you are expected to meet, and your commitment to presenting yourself as someone who understands the weight of the occasion. Anything less is a breach of trust and a mark of failure. When you receive an invitation with a dress code, do not treat it as a suggestion—it is a demand for respect, and your compliance is non-negotiable.

Conflict Management
Despite all the effort, rigor, and adherence to community rules of etiquette, no system is immune from conflict. Miscommunications, misunderstandings, and simple human error are inevitable, leading to friction between individuals, households, and potentially the entire community. We are a diverse group with varying orientations, practices, and values, but one thing must remain constant: this community is an extended family. We are bound by mutual respect for each other’s ideologies, traditions, and values. To disregard that bond is to destabilize the very foundation that supports us.

Conflict is a reality. How we handle it defines us. Every individual in this community must prioritize resolution over escalation. When conflict arises, it is critical that it be dealt with quietly and privately. This is not a playground for drama, and personal grievances should never spill out into the open. The entire community should not bear the burden of petty disagreements. When resolution cannot be reached between the parties directly involved, an elder’s mediation must be sought. Elders are the custodians of our traditions, the stabilizing force in times of turmoil. Their wisdom is not optional. Failing to heed their counsel is a reckless disregard for the structures that keep us intact. You don’t challenge another without seeking your mentor’s support, and you certainly do not act without considering the consequences. A mentor’s role is vital in preventing actions driven by impulse, and any failure to engage them is a sign of ignorance and disrespect.

When you face punishment that you believe is unjust, you have the right to request a tribunal of elders. This tribunal is not a luxury; it is a necessary safeguard to ensure fairness and justice within the community. If you cannot trust the process, if you cannot trust the structure of this society, then what exactly are we standing for? However, understand this: no one can escape the decisions of the council without consequence. The act of exile or excommunication is final. Should you be cast out, you forfeit your place within this family. No other household is permitted to accept you without risking the wrath of the family that exiled you. If you choose to seek refuge elsewhere, know that you are bringing unwanted hostility upon yourself and your new household. Your actions have consequences, and the decisions of the elders are not to be undermined.

Struggles between households are a regrettable reality. However, it is possible—though not easy—for multiple households to co-exist within the same territory. This requires an unflinching respect for each family’s traditions, ideologies, and practices. Territorial disputes are not an excuse for personal vendettas. Respect the space and autonomy of others; understand that your practices do not supersede theirs. Conflict can only be avoided when the boundaries of each family are clearly defined, respected, and maintained. Mutual respect is the only basis for peaceful cohabitation.

Public disputes are the epitome of weakness. Keep your disagreements private and do not drag the entire community into your quarrels. No one benefits from being forced to take sides in a dispute that does not concern them. To make personal issues a community matter is a cowardly act—a manipulation of others for your own selfish gains. Understand this: when you make your conflict public, you make the community weaker. No one is above the community, and no individual has the right to force others into a war that is not theirs to fight. Let the dispute remain between those involved, and let resolution be pursued with quiet dignity.

The community will only remain strong when we maintain unity, even in the face of conflict. A lack of stability, when allowed to fester, can infect the entire group. While perfection is impossible, the effort to maintain cohesion should never cease. When you face adversity, present a unified front. Show the world that our internal struggles do not define us, and that we will not let individual failures threaten the strength of the whole. Strive to be better, to handle disputes with grace, and above all, to protect the unity of this community. Your actions will determine the future of all of us. Handle them wisely.